Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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