when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
