idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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