So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
