How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
