I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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