I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
