Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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