Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
