There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
