So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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