I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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