Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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