Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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