so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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