Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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