she was so not down for the gang bang
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
