is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
