Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
