I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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