You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
