You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
