things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
