so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
