dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
