I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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