Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
