every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
