I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
