It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
