I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
