I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
