that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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