I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
