is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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