Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
