I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
