will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
