Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
