I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
