maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
