I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
