we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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