is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
