I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
