Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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