i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
