Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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