Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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