forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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