She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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