fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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