Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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