I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
