so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
