a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
