i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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